Yesterday was my "first" day of school!!

Well...kind of, LOL!! I volunteered to help out in Paige's 2nd grade class room on Wednesdays (and then I get to have lunch with my little sweetie). I tested the kids on their "star" words and helped a few with their cursive writing...then I got to grade papers (woohoo)...now that's what I'm talking about. Give me "technical" jobs (ie, grading papers, making copies, filing, etc...)! I know this will probably sound kinda bad, but I really don't want to work with the kids (like one on one stuff)...nothing against kids (per se)...it's just after being a sahm for 16 yrs, I've spent every waking hour with my kids (well til they went to school, lol) and I'm just "over" that aspect, I guess. I like to work, I don't mind working and the fact that I'm volunteering (aka: working for free) proves that...but I really like to work "alone"...I'm the type of person who would probably do well in a little cubicle. Give me my assignment, give me my space and I will produce results, period!

Anyway...it was kinda fun working with the kids too (I have to admit, it wasn't "that" terrible, LOL)...and I know that all the while, I'm using and improving my work skills...and I hope that this will be advantageous to my future prospects in employment with the school district (office work of course, LOL).

Seriously...all I can say is my hat is completely off to teachers. I simply couldn't do it and there really isn't enough money that they could pay me to do it. I prefer clerk/office work...it's what I'm good at and while there are many jobs which offier clerk work...my goal is to work for the district so I can keep similar hours as my own kids...because my job as MOM never ends and I still want to make myself as available as possible to my children before/after school, weekends and holidays. So while I "could" probably get an office job just about anywhere...I'm holding out for the district job. I have come to realize that I may need to lower my standards a hair and possibly take on a job in the cafeteria in order to get my proverbial "foot in the door"...and that's okay too (just haven't seen any food service positions open, yet). Hey...I'm willing to start at the bottom!

To love or not to love...

That...is the question! It is true...I have a love/hate relationship with my one and only sister. There's a part of her...that I dearly love. She "can" be good and when she's not lecturing me, judging me or throwing salt in my wounds...I actually like her too. However, more often than not...she is that way and I cannot stand to be around her. I think it's natural to surround yourself with like-minded people and those that present a positive force...on the other hand...we tend to distance ourselves from those that always disagree and present a negative force. Seems everytime I say, "...that's it, I'm never talking to her again..." we end up back together some how. Take for instance this past weekend. Dad was in Boulder most of the week taking care of E while She and her dh were on an Alaskan cruise (courtesy of dh's rich friend who paid for everything). Anyway...Dad had called me and said that he had planned to keep E out of school Friday and drive back to town in the morning (in an effort to avoid rush hour traffic in Denver)...so he asked if he could bring E here (as sis and dh wouldn't be getting home til late Sat. night and he would be bored staying with him at his place where there's nothing to do. So of course I said sure. So Friday afternoon, Nolan, Tim and I met Dad and E at the golf course for lunch. I kept E and dad went on home to Canon City.

E is really no problem. We had our problems with him a few years ago (when he pushed P down the stairs)...I had to set him straight and after that...he seemed to respect my authority and we've never really had any further problems with him...Now, the second my sister walks in, though...he changes and becomes unbearable, iykwim? Well...after my last conversation with my sister (some 2 weeks ago) in which she left me feeling pretty crappy...I swore her off for the last time. And then when dad wanted me to keep E for a couple nights...I really didn't mind that, but I was not looking forward to having to see and deal with my sister in person. In fact...I was dreading it to no end.

So fast forward to Saturday night...we had just got home from a very long day at the office (me helping Tim catch up on the invoices) and were getting ready to deal with neighbors (long story), when out of the blue, in they walked (no phone call to say they were on there way...in fact, dad kinda thought they'd stay in Springs as their flight was pretty late, but apparently, they back sooner then planned...guess it was around 8pm). Anyway...she was very sympathetic about our neighbor situation. She even sat down with us and helped me figure out each and every single charge, etc...and watched our kids on Sunday morning when we went to confront the neighbors. She called this afternoon just wanting to know how things were and if anything else had happened with the neighbors. We actually had a nice visit and she didn't once try to tell me how stupid I was for letting this situation get out of hand with the neighbors. I kind of expected it though...even after our nice visit. The reason being is that she is never critical or mean when Nolan's around...it's usually when she has me by myself (on the phone or in person)...but she didn't today...and even said, "love ya" before she hung up. I was stunned honestly...

So...what to do??? I so want a relationship with her...but seems like everytime I let my defenses down...she attacks...and I never know which sister she's going to be (good sister/bad sister)...it's almost like she has two separate personalities. Does Jeckyl and Hyde mean anything?? I want to love her...I want to like her...I want us to have a sisterly relationship...but I'm scared. Every time I open my heart and begin trusting her again...she stomps on me.

I guess for now, I will love her cautiously...