Awww...this is one of those touchy subjects that women rarely speak of, yet I just have to talk about it!! As my 6 month evaluation at work is quickly approaching...I have to say that I am extremely happy!! I LOVE my job!! I have gotten wonderful compliments, flowers, baked goodies, etc. from our staff as well as the members of our congregation. I'm pretty sure that Pastor Dave wants to keep me, ;-)!! Anyway, I got to thinking about my last job working for Nolan...and how I know he and Tim truly appreciated all that I did, but for some reason, I never felt fully satisfied. It wasn't until getting this job that I began to see what it was I was missing from my last job (and from my life as a sahm)...and it was the recognigion/appreciation!
At least once a day (if not more), I receive an email, phone call or personal visit from someone who tells me how "great" I am, how loved I am and how appreciated I am! I'm like on "wow" overload here! Compliments are a great motivator, let me tell ya! I think about the later years of strictly being a sahm, and how I felt that somewhere, somehow, my identity had been erased at some point and all that I was....was a mom! I knew deep in my heart that I was more than just a mom. Now granted, I'm extremely grateful and happy that I was able to sah to take care of my kids, etc. while they were little...and at the time (and for the most part), I was quite fulfilled back then...but as they began to grow up, and now new babies came...I really didn't know who I was anymore. Since turning 40 (5 yrs ago), I have been on a journey of self awareness...self actualization I guess. I began having honest to goodness thoughts. Thoughts that weren't interrupted or undeveloped...I began feeling like I was awakening to a whole new world after being in the sahm shell for 14 yrs.
It was very scary when I first went to work for Nolan...mainly because I really didn't work for him, but all the guys in the field...Tim in particular. When I first met Tim...I thought to myself, "...how am I ever going to work with this guy?"...he was very shy, very soft spoken...and I knew I had to break the ice somehow. I think the ice really broke for the first time with the "Rubber Toe" joke...ever since then, we hit it off great and had a really awesome working relationship. I was really shattered when I had to be laid off after almost 2 yrs. I was really devistated. After about 6 months, I knew I probably would not be hired back...and I was right. Not only was I not hired back, but Nolan took a 10% pay cut.
After trying relentlessly to get hired by the school district, I finally came across my current job just by pure happenstance. I applied with my whole heart, soul and mind. I honestly didn't figure I had a rat's chance. Imagine my surprise when I got a call to schedule an interview. OMG...it was my first interview in over 19 yrs...to say that I was scared shitless would have been an understatement. When I arrived at the interview, not only was Pastor Dave present, but an entire panel. Heck, I figured I might be able to dazzle the pastor, but an entire panel?? Well...I laid everything I had out on the line...whatcha see is whatcha get! And to my utmost shock and surprise, I was offered the job! Wow...I felt this quite an accomplishment that at age 45, I could go out and get a job (that I probably wasn't entirely qualified for)...and a funny thing happened! I began to find myself, know myself and understand who I am again!!
Don't get me wrong...I would change a thing about my days of being a sahm and the joy that all my children have brought me over the years. But...I am beyond grateful that I was able to find a job that fits me perfectly! I think taking time off from work when having babies is a really good thing if you can afford to, but I also think it's a really good thing to have a plan B...because things will not stay the same. I think about my own mother...and the years she seemed to be "lost". I have realized that I CAN have it all in this life, just not all at the same time!
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