Since my last post, that is. I had to go private for a bit...just for my own sanity I guess. It's been a difficult couple months. I guess it's just the typical ebb and flow of a marriage, but it sure seems to "ebbing" a lot lately. I think we're in a better place now than we have been for years. Our communication is finally becoming productive. Nolan's not drinking and I think that has helped a multitude of things. I honestly believe that the drinking was really beginning to affect his thinking and day to day handling of things. The night that things "changed":
This is my left arm a few days after that night. In all fairness, I did shove him first...not to excuse him shoving me back...but I think we both learned a few things that night. Just like sometimes when the computer just isn't working right, you simply have to "reboot" it...and sometimes, we just have to "reboot" our relationships as well. This bruise is only a symbol of something much more painful...it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart that I felt that night. I love Nolan with all my heart, and while he does have his faults, so do I...and it was time for me to examine some of mine and figure out how I could fix them, and not just the "what" I've done, but the "why's" as well. It's not like 1,2,3 everything's fine, but I know we're in a better place and moving toward a closer, more loving relationship. In order to do this...we've both had to give up something we love. Nolan has given up drinking and I have giving up a certain relationship that has been very hazardous to our relationship. While it has not been easy...it has been worth it as I do not want anything to come between Nolan and I.
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There is still a slight reminent of that horrible bruise...but I wanted the picture to remind me of a time and place I never want to return to or see again...because sometimes it's the most painful and hardest things in life that actually bind us closer together...
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