Cross roads...

I am definitely at a cross roads in my life. It's mainly a cross roads within myself. I think this has been a long time coming and perhaps I've just been good at denying it. It's a cross roads of my heart. I know what is right...and I know what is healthy and I know what I have to do...but that doesn't make it any easier. I know that this is no way to live and that in order to gain one thing (peace), I have to give up another. I am not prepared to give this up...but I don't really have a choice at this point. The decision has been made for me...so I have no choice but to learn to live with it, cause I'm not sure if I'll ever get over this. I never would have believed in a million years that I would ever be in this position. Can't go back...can't move forward...what do you do? I know that living in limbo is not healthy or happy for me. I know that there's not going back, there's no going forward...so the only thing I can do is move "on"...which is what I have to do. For some reason...I'm pretty good at giving "this" advice to other people...but not too good at taking this same advice for myself. This very thing is creating a major struggle in my faith as well...because I know the two cannot exist in harmony. I need to pray on this one...I need forgiveness, I need direction, I need understanding, I need help, I need God! I've had a good cry tonight...and I'm sure there'll be more as the days, weeks and months pass....Every journey begins with one step and my first step starts today...