I remember a movie from years ago called, "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and while her story involved a dreamy vaca to Jamaica (along with a strapping younger man)...mine is nothing of the sort. The "groove" I feel I've lost is caring about things and feeling no purpose. My house is in a state of CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). Right now, things are absolutely out of control and a complete mess and I just really don't care. Used to be that from time to time...things got outta control and I would reach my tolerance "limit" and have to get it together. I used to love to entertain so that was always an incentive to clean, clean, clean...but for some reason...I just don't care if it gets done or not. Intellectually, I know that's not right...but I can't seem to find my "groove"...that thing that used to drive me...inspire me. So, instead of getting in gear and whipping things into shape (to have company)...I just don't invite anyone over anymore. I used to be able to whip thru this house in a day and have it spik and span in no time. Now, not only do I not have the energy to do that anymore...I honestly don't care if it gets done or not. Like I said, I know that's not right...but I just don't know how to change it. I want to change it...I don't want to feel like this anymore. I think my job sort of added to this already growing problem...in that it gave me an excuse and made me feel less guilty about not getting things done. Right now, I can't even think of decorating for the holidays with the state that this house is in...
We moved the piano out of the living room and back into the formal dining room (which happens to make a nice sitting room right off the entry way). But the love seat and chair that would normally be with the piano is in my living room because I have no other furniture to put in there. The living room looks bare and I hate the color. I really want to paint the upstairs the "toasted tan"...but if I take on a painting project of that magnitude...everything else (laundry, dishes, meals, etc.) will surely sink into deeper dispair. If I could afford to hire it done, believe me, I would. Then in the basement, the entertainment room is still torn up from the 2007 flood. Things are just a hodge-podge of undone, unfinished projects/decorating, etc...I would really like to get new living room furniture along with a nice armoir so we could once again have a tv in the living room. Right now, the only place to watch tv is in the tore up entertainment room...the small kitchen tv or in the bedroom. I have to be realistic in that as much as I want to move...it's probably not going to happen for a while (given the state of the economy/housing market)...so if I have to be here (like I have a choice) I might as well try to make it comfortable and livable. I think part of the problem with this house is that ever since we moved in...we've been trying to sell it and move out...so in a sense, I don't think we've ever actually settled in fully. Maybe I should make that my goal (for the new year) to finally settle in here. I have to some how quit hating it here...cause we may be stuck here for a while.
I'll be thinking about getting my "groove" back...
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